Thursday, November 12, 2009

Funny Stuff That Happened While I Was Being A Bad Blogger And Ignoring My Duties


My kitten scratched a hole through my eyelid and gave me a black eye. I told everyone that my husband punched me. It was hilarious. (My husband has never punched me. He is one of those annoying people who has the nerve to try to walk away when he gets too mad during an argument. He doesn't even yell when he gets mad. He just stands there are calm and shit.)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Actual conversation that happened in the hospital lobby in front of some old guy:

Lisa: If I was a guy I would only do pregnant girls. But only when they are barely pregnant. Like 3 or 4 months. You know so they still have their figures and stuff.

Katie: If you were a guy you would be a total whore.

Me: Like our dad.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Talking about anal:

Lisa: I heard it hurts really bad. Why would someone do that?

Me: Some people like it.

Lisa: That's gross. It would have to stretch really far. I don't know how that could work.

Me: You ever have a big poop.

Lisa: Yeah.

Me: Well I'm guessing its like a big poop but backwards.

Lisa: That is so gross.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
At my grandmother's funeral, I broke a bench. Actually, I broke the same bench twice by coughing too hard. I wasn't the only one sitting on the bench and both times it broke we had to discreetly fix it before the funeral directors saw us.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enan's newest thing is to use the word plenty whenever possible.
For example:

Me: Enan you need to stop playing now.

Enan: Can I play for one more minute?

Me: I'll give you 4 more minutes.

Enan: How about plenty more minutes?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enan was at his grandmother's house one morning and was talking to her while she was having her breakfast. He told her that I had him and that she was there when he was born and that when he came out he was awesome.

One day we were walking through the book store and my son announced loudly that he has awesome skills.

I blame myself for his vocabulary. And his conceitedness. I tell him all the time that he is awesome and that he has awesome skills. Its all true though. He gets it from me. I'm awesome and I have awesome skills too. Just ask my husband.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sorry things were quiet around here for so long. Life has been a little crazy here. My husband got a new job, someone almost died, someone did die, and my perfectly adorable little nephew was born. I promise to try to be better and more consistent with this whole blogging thing from now on.*


* Any and all promises are subject to be broken without any warning or reasonable cause.